BE CAREFUL! Stop and think carefully before you act or say a word or make a facial expression.
If you say ANYTHING to them regarding them being more masculine, it will hurt them, they will resent you, treat you badly, and refuse to do a single thing you suggest. It is part of their masculine nature to resist being led and told what to do by a woman.
Instead there is something VERY FUN for you to do, that will DELIGHT them and ENCOURAGE them in their God-given masculinity.
This is it:
Be feminine yourself.*
Concentrate on a feminine appearance and manner and spirit for yourself (1 Peter 3:1-6). Smile and sing happy songs and hymns to yourself while going about your feminine domestic duties in a dress or skirt. If he begins talking to you, let him talk and ask him questions to encourage him to talk openly (without judgments). Never say to him, "That's not nice!" Of course he isn't "nice;" he's a man, not a woman. Don't try to make him be a woman. Just listen and pay attention to him. Don't interrupt him, not to talk to the children, or for any reason (unless the house is on fire, of course). Or if he doesn't want to talk, then let him be silent and watch TV or read a newspaper without interruping him to talk to him about anything. Sometimes a man just like to be in the same room (or car) with a woman in silence with no conversation.
As opportunity arises, oooh and ahhh over his muscles and his know-how on masculine subjects, such as money management, his work, opening doors for you, carrying heavy things for you, fixing a car or some mechanical/electrical object, his driving, etc. If there's anything that needs doing that requires heavy lifting, grease, paint, electricty, a screwdriver, a ladder, or wearing denim, refer it to him. And then praise him profusely, and make him a favorite snack or meal.
Never wear dungarees (jeans) or Dockers; that's menswear that women have adopted as part of feminism. God says men and women are different with division of labor, yet compatible (Gen. Ch. 1 through 3); but feminism says men and women are the same and in competition and conflict. Feminism is a wicked, Marxist form of rebellion, which causes rifts among families along gender lines. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry (1 Sam. 15:23).
Let go of a need to control the outcome of every single thing. Let him make the decisions and solve the problems for a change. Don't worry about it; let him deal with it. He'll do a fine job. Wear "jewels" in your hair, take a luxurious bath, and wear perfume and silk. You will both love it!!
It goes (almost) without saying, that a lady would never, ever contradict her husband in public or tell any man what to do. Ever. It's the opposite of feminine, and the woman who does it is a "harpy" or an ugly gargoyle (at least temporarily) in the eyes of any man, and worse, in the eyes of God, who observes her doing such (2 Samuel 6:15-25). After all, It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman (Prov. 21:19). If you have done this, apologize for it sweetly, for a gracious woman retains honor (Prov. 11:16) Let him do things his way, and then praise him for his initiative, leadership, and good judgment. He will blossom in his masculinity, and you will thrill to him. In this way, you will work to serve and strengthen him; and he will work to serve and take care of you (Prov. 27:18)
For more reading on this topic, here's a lovely blog post from Heart for home-making called "Learning to be ladylike - gentlemen."
* If there are any men reading this, it also works the other way around. If the women in your life are too masculine/not feminine enough, then concentrating on your own masculinity will cause the women around you to blossom in their femininity.
2 comments:
A situation in which I often find myself at my small church is where I am talking with a lady, her husband, and another lady. The lady will criticize her husband who is standing right there, and then the other will join in and bash him, and the three of them laugh about it. I can't avoid being around them, but I'm always appalled at the disrespect and disdain. I don't know if I should just walk away, or what. The three people I've mentioned are 66+ years, and I'm only 24. I would feel out of place if I said something against the dishonoring, though I would do it lovingly. What would you do in that situation?
That's all too common a situation to find ourselves in, and even in Christian churches amongst Christian people. I'm glad you're appalled at the disrespect, and you're right--it requires being handled with respect and sensitivity. While maintaining your own femininity :-)
As these are older people, and the couple has been married many years, and the husband laughed, then most likely they have settled into a way of speaking, where the husband may have figured long ago, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." And in a long-standing marriage, forgiveness, covering a multitude of sins with love, and refusing to take offense becomes a way of life.
Also, as a younger person, you want to appeal to older people as mothers and father in a loving way, as you indicated.
Here are a couple of possibilities I might do if I were in that situation. It kind of depends on the specific criticism, but I hope these suggestions help.
* I might not say anything, but I would probably feel awkward to stand there not laughing with them over the criticism and then not say anything, either.
* I might say, sweetly with a smile, "I'm surprised! I've always observed that [the husband] is a careful and competent driver [or whatever he was criticized for]."
This is countering the criticism (in the nicest way) by asserting the flip of the criticism and relating it to the husband's masculinity to edify him.
* I might say, sweetly with a smile, "My own husband likes to [do whatever it was] that way, and I really admire him for it!"
This is likening it to something your husband does well, and then praising it. (Has the bonus of also building up your husband.)
* I might laugh (like it's all nonsense), and then say warmly to the husband, "All kidding aside, I'm so grateful to have an older brother like you in our church, who [does various things to help the church and care for his family]. You're a good example for us all to look up to."
This is treating the criticism like the nonsense it is (and they were laughing, so perhaps they knew it was nonsense as well), and then asserting something to build up the husband in a Christ-like sisterly way, to bring the conversation up out of the belittling talk.
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