How Ladies (by Being More Feminine) Can Help Men Be More Masculine

Have you noticed that men are not as manly or masculine as they used to be? Are you feeling frustrated by it and also feeling the urge to tell the men in your life how to be more manly?

BE CAREFUL! Stop and think carefully before you act or say a word or make a facial expression.

If you say ANYTHING to them regarding them being more masculine, it will hurt them, they will resent you, treat you badly, and refuse to do a single thing you suggest. It is part of their masculine nature to resist being led and told what to do by a woman.

Instead there is something VERY FUN for you to do, that will DELIGHT them and ENCOURAGE them in their God-given masculinity.

This is it:

Be feminine yourself.*

Concentrate on a feminine appearance and manner and spirit for yourself (1 Peter 3:1-6). Smile and sing happy songs and hymns to yourself while going about your feminine domestic duties in a dress or skirt. If he begins talking to you, let him talk and ask him questions to encourage him to talk openly (without judgments).  Never say to him, "That's not nice!" Of course he isn't "nice;" he's a man, not a woman. Don't try to make him be a woman. Just listen and pay attention to him. Don't interrupt him, not to talk to the children, or for any reason (unless the house is on fire, of course). Or if he doesn't want to talk, then let him be silent and watch TV or read a newspaper without interruping him to talk to him about anything. Sometimes a man just like to be in the same room (or car) with a woman in silence with no conversation.

As opportunity arises, oooh and ahhh over his muscles and his know-how on masculine subjects, such as money management, his work, opening doors for you, carrying heavy things for you, fixing a car or some mechanical/electrical object, his driving, etc. If there's anything that needs doing that requires heavy lifting, grease, paint, electricty, a screwdriver, a ladder, or wearing denim, refer it to him. And then praise him profusely, and make him a favorite snack or meal.

Never wear dungarees (jeans) or Dockers; that's menswear that women have adopted as part of feminism. God says men and women are different with division of labor, yet compatible (Gen. Ch. 1 through 3); but feminism says men and women are the same and in competition and conflict. Feminism is a wicked, Marxist form of rebellion, which causes rifts among families along gender lines. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry (1 Sam. 15:23).

Let go of a need to control the outcome of every single thing. Let him make the decisions and solve the problems for a change. Don't worry about it; let him deal with it. He'll do a fine job. Wear "jewels" in your hair, take a luxurious bath, and wear perfume and silk. You will both love it!!

It goes (almost) without saying, that a lady would never, ever contradict her husband in public or tell any man what to do. Ever. It's the opposite of feminine, and the woman who does it is a "harpy" or an ugly gargoyle (at least temporarily) in the eyes of any man, and worse, in the eyes of God, who observes her doing such (2 Samuel 6:15-25). After all, It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman (Prov. 21:19). If you have done this, apologize for it sweetly, for a gracious woman retains honor (Prov. 11:16) Let him do things his way, and then praise him for his initiative, leadership, and good judgment. He will blossom in his masculinity, and you will thrill to him. In this way, you will work to serve and strengthen him; and he will work to serve and take care of you (Prov. 27:18)


For more reading on this topic, here's a lovely blog post from Heart for home-making called "Learning to be ladylike - gentlemen."

* If there are any men reading this, it also works the other way around. If the women in your life are too masculine/not feminine enough, then concentrating on your own masculinity will cause the women around you to blossom in their femininity.

Christian Women, Fashion, and Flesh

[Note: This is a revised version of a post I wrote on a “Christian” dating web site many moons ago, in response to man’s thread regarding all the cleavage and other immodesty in women’s pictures on the site.]


Many Christians have a false and wrong division in their minds: God speaks to spiritual and eternal things, but God does not speak to earthly and temporal things. The truth is that God speaks to all aspects of life. (2 Tim. 3:16)

Therefore, many Christians do not even think to look to the Bible as a source of a standard on how to dress. So, the default standard for Christians is exactly the same as non-Christians: Hollywood, their friends, magazines, TV commercials. The Bible is the Best standard, and for Christians should be the only standard because God speaks to every area of His creation. We should be set apart (Lev. 11:44; Eph. 1:4); Christians supposedly know something the world does not know. Let's show the truth of that, so there is no "supposing" about it!

I also find it troubling that Christian ladies are often blasé about being a stumbling block for their brothers, which is sin on the woman's part (Lev. 19:14; Rom. 14:13; 1 Cor. 8:9; 1 Jn 2:9-10).

To dress "sexy" in public (church or anywhere) is to dress like a harlot (Prov. 7:10) because you are seen sexually by every man who even accidentally lays his eyes on you (Ezek. 16:14-16). We are sexy for our husbands in private (Gen. 2:25) because sex belongs in marriage only (Prov.5:15-20), according to God (Ex. 20:14, 17; Mal. 2:13-17). We are not married to every man we pass by on the street; we are not married to every man in church. We shouldn't cause a Christian brother to lust (2 Sam. 11:2-4); we need to do what we can to protect his heart, his purity (1 Tim. 5:2), and his "eye-gate." (Job 31:1) First of all, modesty is a heart-issue (1 Pet. 3:1-4).

Many Christian ladies have bought into the world's view that her sexuality is for public consumption and there is no other way to "make" a man want to marry her; nothing could be further from the truth (Prov. 31:10). God says marriage first, then sex with our own spouse after marriage (Matt. 1:18-20). When a woman's heart is modest, her outsides are modest as well (Prov. 4:23).

Christian men could help the situation by pursuing modest women to marriage, instead of pursuing immodest women to…what, exactly? Or do I not want to know?

A good book (really more of a long booklet) addressing Biblical modesty and the history of our current culture in America is Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America by Jeff Pollard.

Duties Are Ours: Part 3

To Give Examples and Explication of These Principles from Duties Are Ours: Part 1 from NT Biblical Texts. See a presentation of some OT Biblical Texts here.

[The Lord Jesus Christ says] No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles [unbelievers] seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. (Matt. 6:24-34)

In this passage, the Lord is teaching us that all things, including food, shelter, clothing, and all we need, are God's, and He cares for His own. Heaping up material treasures, money, investments, a big bank account, etc. for ourselves is not where our health and life and security and safety may be found. They are found only in Him. He knows what you need, and He has what you need; seek Him, and He will give it, including material goods and necessities.

Trust in Him, not in earthly wealth, and He will give you what you need. His children are not forsaken, and those who trust and believe in Him will have no need to beg bread (Psalm 37:25). Like the homemaker Proverbs 31 Woman, you will rejoice at the future and have no fear. You will be secure.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Duties Are Ours: Part 2

To Give Examples and Explication of These Principles from Duties Are Ours: Part 1 from OT Biblical Texts

And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it...And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Gen. 2:15,18-24)

This passage shows the beautiful creation order of man given work in the world, to cultivate it, to bring order and productivity in the world. His wife is given to him, created from his own flesh, so intimate and at one with him, his perfect complement, his helper created and gifted by God to be suitable for him.

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. (Gen. 3:16-20)

This passage shows that God has said that the woman's sin-struggle will be with usurping her husband, but she must submit to his rule, instead. In addition, this passage shows the division of labor between the husband and wife. Man labors in the field (the world), and woman labors in childbearing and home-making. Adam names her because is his, was made for him; and the name he chooses for her has to do with her "career," her wifehood and motherhood. This is why a married woman takes her husband's name; she is his family now; she is "on his team." Likewise, with the second Adam, Jesus Christ, His people proudly bear His name, and are called Christians.

And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch. And unto Enoch was born Irad: and Irad begat Mehujael: and Mehujael begat Methusael: and Methusael begat Lamech. And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah. And Adah bare Jabal: he was the father of such as dwell in tents, and of such as have cattle. And his brother's name was Jubal: he was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ. And Zillah, she also bare Tubalcain, an instructer of every artificer in brass and iron: and the sister of Tubalcain was Naamah. (Gen. 4:17-22)

This passage shows the work of the world, of dominion (though by sinful men), passed on from father to son. The wife's work is in being a wife and bearing children. The sister of Tubalcain, Naamah, is named, but the passage does not go on to talk about her "career." She is a blessing in a way different from sons; she is a daughter.

"And I will fetch a morsel of bread, and comfort ye your hearts; after that ye shall pass on: for therefore are ye come to your servant." And they said, "So do, as thou hast said." And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said, "Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth." And Abraham ran unto the herd, and fetcht a calf tender and good, and gave it unto a young man; and he hasted to dress it. And he took butter, and milk, and the calf which he had dressed, and set it before them; and he stood by them under the tree, and they did eat. And they said unto him, "Where is Sarah thy wife?" And he said, "Behold, in the tent." (Gen. 18:5-9)

Abraham needed his wife, who was home, to assist him with hospitality and providing for guests.

If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. (Ex. 21:10)

Even when a man takes another wife (which other passages show he shouldn't do), he may not abandon her; he must still provide her with food, raiment and "her duty of marriage."

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God. (Deut. 22:5)

Here we see that there is a difference between a man and a woman in how they are to dress themselves. Their outer conduct of dressing themselves is not to be the same. A person's dress is appropriate to the work they do, their career. There is a separation of dress because there is a separation of labor and function. A soldier, an auto mechanic, a construction worker, a doctor, or a businessman wears his uniform. A woman wears that which builds up others spiritually, is comfortable for work around the home and can be easily washed, is feminine, modest; her career is a career in the home. More about a woman's career in the home, her manner and feminine orientation, and dress in Proverbs 31 below and 1 Peter 3.

When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken. (Deut. 24:5)

It is the man who is charged with war and business, not his wife. The new husband is to stay at home (where his wife is) and make her happy.

And he said, This will be the manner of the king that shall reign over you: He will take your sons, and appoint them for himself, for his chariots, and to be his horsemen; and some shall run before his chariots. And he will appoint him captains over thousands, and captains over fifties; and will set them to ear his ground, and to reap his harvest, and to make his instruments of war, and instruments of his chariots. And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cooks, and to be bakers. And he will take your fields, and your vineyards, and your oliveyards, even the best of them, and give them to his servants. And he will take the tenth of your seed, and of your vineyards, and give to his officers, and to his servants. And he will take your menservants, and your maidservants, and your goodliest young men, and your asses, and put them to his work. He will take the tenth of your sheep: and ye shall be his servants. (1 Sam. 8:11-17)

This passage shows that desiring to "be like everyone else" and be ruled over by men, rather than God, will result in God's judgment in the form of a tyrannical civil government that will take your children and cause even your daughters to work in state-approved "careers" to fill its coffers, and tyrannically take not only your family's productivity, but 10% of what you do manage to produce, and you'll end up serving this "civil servant." Sounds eerily familiar, doesn't it? It's a temporal judgment on His people who disobey Him and choose to be the tail rather than the head (Deuteronomy 28:36-48).

And the king went forth, and all his household after him. And the king left ten women, which were concubines, to keep the house. (2 Sam. 15:16)

Even if there are ten women at home keeping house, they are needed there! ;-)

Nehemiah Chapter 3

This chapter shows godly men building the city, repairing the ruins, fathers and sons working together, to bring order and God's dominion to that which was laid waste, neglected, and made desolate. This passage mentions that one man (the son of Halohesh) has his daughters helping him. He may not have had any sons, but it's clear that the daughters are not independent of their father; they are helping him.

And I looked, and rose up, and said unto the nobles, and to the rulers, and to the rest of the people, Be not ye afraid of them: remember the LORD, which is great and terrible, and fight for your brethren, your sons, and your daughters, your wives, and your houses. (Neh. 4:14)

Here again, we see a "man's world," where men strive in the world for their brothers, their children, their wives, and their homes/property, by the grace of God and for His glory. It doesn't say, "Fight for your husbands and children and careers, ladies!"

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. (Psalm 113:9)

This shows that a woman's joyful blessing from God is to be a keeper of the home and a mother. This is a temporal blessing from God, for which He should be praised. Being a wife, mother and homemaker is not something to be disdained; it is something for a woman to deeply desire and to anticipate with joy.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22)

Here we learn that a husband is to search for a godly wife; she is a good gift from God, and such a husband will be blessed (obtain favor of the LORD).

Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD. (Psalm 128:1-4)

More blessings promised to those who fear the LORD and walk in His ways! His house and his table are blessed by God. His wife is fruitful with children, and his children are like young plants to be planted, and as they mature, bearing their own fruitfulness, their lives will extend their father and mother's faith and teachings of God's ways beyond the extent of his limited, mortal life. A man's productivity in this life affects eternity and has meaning beyond his own temporal existence. A father has no greater joy than to hear this his children walk in truth (3 John 1:4). How can he have this without a godly wife who also fears God and walks in His ways?

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.(Prov. 14:1)

This proverb teaches that the wise woman builds her house. Does this mean that she has chosen to devote her life to contracting to construct houses? Is her career carpentry or log-house building? No, it is saying that the career of a wise woman is her home and family. She is to edify her home with godliness and all that the book of Proverbs and the rest of Scriptures says to do. This proverb also says a foolish woman plucks down her house with her own hands. She is off in her independent career, instead of building up her husband and being a helper to him. She leaves her children in daycare or schools to do whatever she foolishly believes is more important work, will earn more money. But our riches are not in chasing money, but from God by Christ (Phil. 4:19). The foolish woman would rather break up her home and divorce her husband for the sake of independence and money and false security, then give her life and love and time and labor to building up her husband, children and home.

Proverbs 31:10-31

This famous passage depicts the godly wife who fears God, she is productive and works "willingly" in her home. She is charitable and gives to the needy, She makes clothes, and sells them to the merchants. She builds up her husband (he is known in the gates and sits among the elders of the land), and brings honor and respect to him with her diligence to make the most of what they have and extend his influence. She is kind, strong, wise, and honoring. She looks well to the way of her household, and does not neglect her labors there. She is a mother; and her children call her blessed, her husband praises her, and even her own works are known in the gates and praised. She doesn't chase praise and honor out in the workplace in an independent career. She doesn't impress her children by fighting for her "rights" to open a dress shop or by being an astute real estate agent; it comes about by her godly teaching and edifying of her family and her diligent work in her home, as she honors others as more important than herself. Her priceless value is in her virtue.

Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate: but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, and thy land Beulah: for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married. For as a young man marrieth a virgin, so shall thy sons marry thee: and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee. (Is. 62:4-5)

Marriage for a woman is a blessing; her bridegroom will rejoice over her. It's the opposite of being forsaken and desolate. Marriage for a woman is a picture of the security (temporal and eternal), which God gives His people, those who trust in Him.

Duties Are Ours: Part 1

found today on SermonAudio.com:

"Duties are ours and consequences are God's." -- Samuel Rutherford

Lady Lydia applies the excellent and Biblical principle behind the above quote by Samuel Rutherford to the woman's role in her blog post, "Do What God Says Do and Let Him Take Care of the Rest."

To the woman, God has assigned the role of wife, husband-helper, mother, and home-keeper. She is to be productive and assist her husband in furthering his goals for their family, but she is not responsible to make the living or be out in the workforce, striving for her own independent, competing career. The husband is not given to a wife; rather, a wife is given to the husband, for him, to help him; she is (should be) like gift from God to him.

The husband labors in the field (the world), and the wife labors in the home. The husband's blood, sweat, and tears is in his productivity in making the living; the wife's blood, sweat, and tears is in her productivity in bearing children and keeping the home. He makes the living, and she makes life worth living, gives a man something valuable to work for and strive for beyond himself. By the grace of God, she helps him bring order to creation, which has become a thorny wilderness because of sin. Christ came to redeem His creation from sin, and He has given instruction to His people on how to occupy until He comes.

As Christ cares for and provides for His bride, the Church, as for His own body; so a husband cares for and provides for his bride, as for his own body. They are not separate--what affects her affects him; what affects him affects her. She takes what her husband provides and makes the most of it, in gratitude and in submission to his leadership and rule. She helps him rule, by carrying out his wishes and by passing along (supporting) his commands, his way of doing things, to their children. This is a way she helps him be productive. They work together to produce fruit and pass on an inheritance (spiritually, and also materially to children borne of their union, should God cause them to be fruitful this way).

In the Scripture, the family home is his home, his table, his household. It is hers, too, because she has married him, and they are one flesh, but the work was given to the man. He provides it all, and his wife helps him keep it, maintain it, and work productively in it. He is the king (of his castle), and she is the queen (of his castle).

In this sin-fallen and topsy-turvy world, there are all kinds of "reasons" (ethical rebellion against God) why we (both men and women) "can't" (yes, we can!) or "don't want to" (doesn't matter!) obey God in His commands in this area of gender roles and family order. God says to serve Him best, a wife should call her husband, "lord," that she show him loving trust and not be afraid he can't do what God says he must do. She's on his side, on his team, takes his name. A husband serves God by making his wife happy, by cherishing her, by providing for her, by leading her, taking her under his wing, being responsible for her. This is God's order and hierarchy of authority in the family.

And when we obey God without fear for our future, we find ourselves blessed by Him in ways we never could have expected or thought of. God is our Provider, ultimately; money is not our provider.

It Isn't Work*

It isn't work, if you like to do it,
It isn't work if it gives a thrill,
If always pleasant thoughts imbue it,
If you do it gladly and with a will.

It isn't "housework"--dusting, mending,
Scrubbing floors and baking things,
Washing dishes and pans unending,
To one who laughs and smiles and sings.

It isn't work, if you find good measure
Of cheer and sun in every minute.
It isn't housework--it's home pleasure,
With a little love and laughter in it!

* I don't know the author. If anyone finds out, please tell me in a comment. Thank you, GentleDove.

With a Smile and a Song

My favorite Disney movie, which I view as a Christian allegory (despite the fact that Walt Disney was not a Christian and did not make "Christian movies"), is Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. These are the lyrics from my favorite song from that movie:

With a smile and a song
Life is just a bright sunny day
Your cares fade away
And your heart is young

With a smile and a song
All the world seems to waken anew
Rejoicing with you
As the song is sung

There's no use in grumbling
When the raindrops come tumbling
Remember, you're the one
Who can fill the world with sunshine

When you smile and you sing
Everything is in tune and it's spring

And life flows along
With a smile and a song

Restoring Damaged Hair

Hair is one of my favorite topics!

Most women today have damaged hair, but they don't know how to fix it inexpensively. Even if you have severely damaged your hair, you can make it soft, strong, glossy, manageable, and healthy by being ridiculously gentle and protective of your hair.

First, how do we damage our hair? Dyeing hair will damage it, even if a "gentle" (this is one of the deceptions of the "hair care industry") formula is used. Every time it's dyed, it gets a little more damaged. Also hair drying and using a curling iron (and perming and straightening and thinning) can damage hair, even if you only do it one time. Even excessive heat in the water you use to wash and rinse your hair can damage hair. (Warm is okay, but very hot water is bad for your hair.)

If you "thin" your hair to manage the damage, keep in mind that if a hair dresser uses a razor or some other technique/tool that "wisps" the ends of the hair to thin it, then, although it helped in cutting away damaged hair, it also damaged it and made it more likely to fray and split. Blunt cutting (perpendicular to the strand, at least 1/4" above the damage) is the best cut to keep hair integral.

Unfortunately, damaged hairs will wind themselves around healthy hairs, causing tangles that will damage the healthy hair when you try to comb or shampoo your hair, or move your head ;-) Also, when it's damaged, the scalp sebum (natural waxy oil) that protects hair will not move easily down the hair shaft, and the problem compounds.

I know that women do these things to make their hair more beautiful, but truly beautiful hair is healthy, glossy, well-maintained hair. Dyeing, perming, straightening, drying, curling, moussing, back-combing, streaking, highlighting, hair-spraying, razoring, misting, thinning are just terms synonymous with "damaging." Do we say, "I need to get to the beauty salon to get my hair damaged"? We might as well! Better to stop throwing money at all the damaging "treatments" and start taking care of our hair by giving it what it needs to be beautiful and healthy. The great thing is that it is inexpensive, easy, and fun to take care of your own hair! Women have been doing it for centuries, and you can, too!

But what to do? There's no way to "heal" damaged hairs, but we don't want to cut off our hair that is so feminine. The healthy hairs need to remain and be protected, and the damaged hairs need to be cut, managed, and allowed to grow out so that they do not cause more damage. The key is a combination of "dusting" and oiling and protection. Every time you "dust" and oil your hair, you improve (lower) the ratio of damaged hair to healthy hair.

To bring your hair back to full gloriousness, you need to get radical (because damaged hair will actually damage other hair, if allowed to).

My background: Right now my hair is waist-length and very integral and healthy, and my bangs (which I cut in October 2009 and started growing out in January 2010) are getting long enough to tuck behind my ears (but they don't always stay). Last summer (August 2009), I put hydrogen peroxide in my hair (mixed with water and leave-in conditioner), then I used my hair dryer on it. Then I washed it out and conditioned it. I had read some things on the internet that led me to believe this would lighten my hair safely and inexpensively. I forgot that I should not believe everything I read on the internet! My hair did not lighten at all, and it turned to straw and started breaking off. I could barely get a comb through it. I had a halo of frizzy fly-aways that was very obvious with the rest of my hair being so long and straight. But my hair is restored now (May 2010), less than a year later.

Here is my hair care routine, which repairs/prevents hair damage:

1) Shampoo: I shampoo every morning, but if every other day works for you--that's even better for your hair! My hair is fine and my scalp is super-greasy, so I need to shampoo every morning. I comb my hair out before I take my shower/wash my hair. Since I wear a braid to bed, I usually only have to finger comb it out of the braid and any night-tangles.

When I shampoo in the shower, I let my wetted hair hang down my back, then I take a little shampoo (nickel-sized) and rub it between my palms and then over my scalp/hairline hair. Then I take another nickel-sized bit of shampoo and rub it between my palms and apply it to the scalp hair underneath. Then, using the balls of my fingers, I gently rub the shampoo into my scalp, using small circular movements all over my scalp. I just concentrate on the scalp and don't try to rub shampoo down the length. Then I coil it into a "bun" on my head and kind of balance it there while I wash the rest of me.

Then I rinse the hair very thoroughly and wash cascades of rinse water through the hair, tipping my head to the side and using my hands to gently move the hair to get water to the hair that's underneath. The rinse is actually the most important part. If your hair is very thick, you might need to rinse longer than I do to get the rinse water to the scalp to wash away every trace of shampoo. (Shampoo left in the hair will damage the hair.) Your final rinse should be cold water, if you can stand it. The cold water closes the scales on the hair, which makes it more manageable and shiny.

Clarifying shampoos strip the hair and should only be used once a month or less (if you have product build up). I only use gentle shampoo, oil, and the occasional conditioner application, so I don't really get product build up. A cheap, gentle shampoo might be Suave, generic baby-shampoo, or Nature's Gate (if you can find it at a discount store for less money).

2) Condition: I don't use conditioner very often anymore. I try to use oil as my "conditioner" because I think oil penetrates and strengthens and protects the hair, while conditioner just coats it with a lot of chemicals and can even damage it in the long run. If you think you absolutely need conditioner for manageability at this point, then go ahead and use it. But to my current point of view, dusting and oiling are more important than conditioner. When your hair is restored, you probably won't need to condition very often.

3) Dry: I gently squeeze water out of my hair with a soft towel and air dry (or combination air-dry and hair dryer on warm/cool heat setting). No hot air at all. If your hair dryer has only a hot setting, then I would recommend air-dry only.

4) Comb: I comb only dry hair because wet hair is very weak and prone to damage. My hair is straight. If you must comb wet hair (maybe you have to with wavy/curly hair? I'm not sure), then I recommend adding a little oil to the length and ends of the damp hair, and then combing gently with a wide tooth comb (or a pick if you have very curly hair), starting from the hair tips, working your way up to remove tangles. Use only a wide-tooth comb (or a pick). Start about 1" from the ends, section by section, and work your way up the section length, detangling as you go. This will probably take a long time, until your hair loses its damage. Healthy hair is very manageable.

5) "Dusting": When you dust your hair, you cut the damaged hairs and leave the healthy hairs uncut. This will improve your hair incredibly. Use a pair of ($8 or so) hair cutting scissors that is used for cutting hair only and nothing else. It should last a lifetime, if well-cared for. "Dust" dry, gently combed-out hair to which no oil or conditioner has been applied (this makes the damaged hair more obvious and therefore easier to cut). Then after you dust, apply oil, comb through, and put your hair in a braid or updo.

If you are facing seriously damaged hair, then I recommend you dust every day for a week and then weekly thereafter. The first time will take a long time, and you will have a lot of hair "dust" (the damaged hair bits that have been trimmed off) to clean up.

Don't be afraid! This works! Instructions on how to dust your hair can be found here:

http://www.longhair.org/HCP/trimming.htm

(The site above, http://www.longhair.org, has lots of great, free advice on hair care.)

6) Oil: Oil will protect and condition your hair beautifully. I use jojoba oil, which is plant-based, but light and similar to natural sebum. I bought a 16 oz. bottle for cheap from a company I don't remember through Amazon.com. I put a little in a plastic toiletries bottle that I washed out and rinsed with water and then sterilize with rubbing alcohol. (Let the rubbing alcohol residual droplets evaporate before pouring in the oil.) I keep this bottle by my bathroom sink for daily use. To prevent contamination/spoilage, I keep the big bottle of jojoba oil in the refrigerator and refill the little bottle as needed.

I pour a tiny amount (1/4 tsp.) in my palm, rub my palms together (to distribute and warm the oil) and gently apply to the length and especially ends of my hair. Then I gently comb through to distribute the oil through my hair. If you don't have jojoba, then canola oil is good, and olive oil is even better (closer to natural sebum) if you can use that. Leave in the oil. Be careful to lightly apply it, unless you don't mind a heavier look for day. You can always add a little more, if you need to.

7) Keep it confined: Keep hair confined in braids and updos. Braid or put up washed, dried, dusted, oiled hair in a smooth style. (Some styles are deliberately messy, knotted, back-combed, etc., but these styles are extremely damaging to hair.) Braids and updo protect the hair from wind, moving the head, rubbing against fabric, hairs rubbing against other hairs, getting caught in things, getting snarled, etc. Use only gentle, coated elastics or terry cloth bands, mini scrunchies, or hair pins. Any wooden hair sticks should be sanded perfectly smooth and oiled. Never use bobby pins, metal barrettes, uncoated elastics, or elastics with metal parts. (You can use bobby pins or metal barrettes occasionally after your hair is completely restored.)

I also recommend, at night, taking your hair out of the confined style, oiling the hair again before bed (it can be heavier at night, if you plan to shampoo your hair the next morning), combing it through gently, and then braiding it to sleep in. You will be amazed at how much oil your dry, damaged hair will soak up.

A lot of damage can happen while sleeping, tossing and turning on the pillow. You can also wear a bed cap (a la Little House on the Prairie) or some scarf or bandana--it protects the hair and protects the pillow from oil, but you might feel that's excessive. I don't wear one; but I would, if I could find one ;-)

If your husband doesn't like your hair up or in a braid, then you can take it down right before he comes home, but keep it confined when he can't see you, while you're working around the house or running errands.

8) No hair salons: I don't go to any beauty salons or hair cut places at all, even for trims. I haven't for years, and it has saved me a lot of money. I hate to say it, but it is in hair-cutters' financial best interests to damage your hair, and even to deceive women that what they are doing is not damaging, to get the ladies to shell out bucks on a frequent and regular basis.

My experience is that if you go to them, they will rip a comb through wet hair, use high-heat styling techniques, will try to convince you to dye or perm your hair or buy expensive hair products, will use razors on your hair, will cut off way more than you told them to, and otherwise discourage you and demoralize you and destroy all that you tried to build and restore during the previous three months.

They hate long hair and will wheedle and needle you to cut your hair short; then when you tell them "only an inch," they'll just cut off however much they want anyway, and there will be nothing you can do about it. I was once publicly chastised in a hair salon for having long hair, and I refuse to put up with that nonsense anymore. It was best for me to remove myself from the hair-salon vicious circle, to be more self-reliant/DIY, and to stop giving these harpies my hard-earned money.

I now trim my own hair--not only "dusting," but the actual trimming and evening of the ends. I trim however much I want every three months, or as needed. You might want to trim an inch every two months or so until any damage is cut out/grown out. (Most people's hair grows an average of about an 1/2" per month.)

It really works! Here are some online instructions:

http://community.livejournal.com/feyeselftrim

May God bless your hair restoration efforts!

Growing Your Hair Long

Here are some thoughts I've had on the controversial question: Should a woman grow her hair long? I've also included some tips for growing your hair long, if you'd like to do so!

The Bible teaches us that men and women are distinct from each other. Men are to be masculine, and women are to be feminine (Deuteronomy 22:5). Part of a woman's distinctive femininity is her long hair.*

"Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering." (1 Corinthians 11:14-15)

As we read more of the Bible, we find that a woman's hair and head "covering" is a symbol of the greater reality of the covering of Jesus Christ provides for His beloved Church (Genesis 3, Psalm 140:7, Isaiah 3:20-30, 1 Corinthians 11:3-8, Ephesians 5:23).

Sadly, many a Christian woman has lost sight of the fact that her hair is a glorious symbol of her protected, cherished, forgiven position in the hierarchy of God's creation. Some women who want to grow their hair long feel afraid or conflicted about it, or may just not know how. Watching Oprah, reading the women's magazines, or talking with friends, many women are receiving the worldly, pressuring message--contrary to God's Word--that long hair is a burden, a shame, and the glorious thing to do is to cut it all off!

Feminists often cut their hair short because they see it as a glorious "freedom" from the "covering" and protection of God and man. That is why, after hundreds of years of keeping their hair at full-length, women cut off their hair during the rebellious feminist and Marxist times of the 20th century, especially since the 1920's. That is why a woman will feel angry and want to cut off her hair (Jeremiah 7:28-30) when she has been cut off from masculine protection (sometimes at her own instigation) and has been abused by a man. That is why, ironically, extreme feminists will often cut their hair very, very short to make it look like the hairstyles of men (Deuteronomy 22:5).

In this post, I would like to encourage ladies to grow their hair! How long? The Bible doesn't spell out an exact length--and I don't think it is important how long. I encourage you to read Scripture to get a better idea of God's perspective of a woman's hair, and the more important understanding of Christ's relationship with His Church.

Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself: Do I feel very feminine and distinctive (unlike a man) with my hair this way? Do I feel feminine when I care for my hair, dress it, braid it, comb it? Do masculine men, especially men who protect and cherish me, seem to appreciate my hair this length? Am I able to keep it healthy and well-cared-for at this length?

In my experience, I had never been able to grow my hair past my shoulders. I had always wanted to grow my hair longer, but felt somehow that I "couldn't" grow my hair. I never felt like my hair looked "right" and tried all sorts of expensive, damaging treatments, such as dyeing and perming, to try to make it look "right." Then, I researched various ways to grow my fine, straight hair and put them into practice as an experiment. Six years later, my hair is healthy and waist-length, and I am very happy with it!

As you read the list below, notice how the very acts of caring for long hair train a woman to be more feminine and gentle.

Here are some tips to grow your hair healthy and longer, whatever length that is for you!

1) Stop going to hair salons. Don't listen to hair stylist fashionistas and TV commercials which have money-worshiping, worldly, feministic reasons to undermine you in this area.

2) Trim your hair yourself at home. Here are instructions on how to self-trim long hair. Also, trim only damaged individual hairs if you can. Here are instructions on how to "dust" your hair.

3) Stop coloring, bleaching, frosting, perming, straightening, and heat styling. Be very gentle. If your hair is very damaged, you may have to cut off the damaged hair and start over. Trust that God made your hair the "right" color and texture, and He'll grow it the "right" length, too.

4) Comb gently and slowly through damp hair with a wide-tooth comb. Never use a brush on damp hair or very curly hair.

5) Use jojoba oil, cocoa butter, or even cooking oil on the ends of hair if the ends seem dry.

6) Stop using hair accessories that pull, rip, and damage hair. Be very gentle.

7) Learn hair styles that keep your hair femininely confined in braids and updos.

8) Wear flowers and ribbons in your hair. Wear hats and scarves over your hair, especially in worship service, to remind yourself of the unearned covering and loving protection the Lord provides you.

9) Comb your hair gently before you shampoo, and shampoo very gently with the minimum amount of shampoo. Never pile your hair on top of your head and scrub. Use the pads of your fingers when you shampoo. Rinse very throughly and gently.

and

10) Wear your hair long no matter what age you are. The world is totally wrong when it tells us that women become more masculine as we age because of hormone changes. You are fully a feminine woman all your life, no matter what stage or season of life you are in. (Remember Sarah, who though old and past childbearing age was so beautiful in her godly grace that a king desired her and took her from Abraham. God protected her from the king's advances.) The younger women need to be able to look up to the older women who have the godly courage to remain beautiful and distinctively feminine as they age.

"In that day shall the LORD of hosts be for a crown of glory, and for a diadem of beauty, unto the residue of his people, And for a spirit of judgment to him that sitteth in judgment, and for strength to them that turn the battle to the gate." (Isaiah 28:5-6)

* If you are sick, and don't have any hair or must keep your hair very short, you can still be feminine and "covered." First, and more important, you can be covered by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ. Secondly, and less important, you can wear pretty scarves, hats, and wigs. I am speaking against a rebellious, feminist spirit in this post, not against ladies who have a physical illness.


If you have any long hair tips or stories, I hope you'll share by commenting!

How My Mother Got Her Soft Face

"For when you looked into my mother's eyes you knew, as if He had told you, why God sent her into the world--it was to open the minds of all who looked, to beautiful thoughts."

James M. Barrie, Margaret Ogilvy